when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
