I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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