conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
