I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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