we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Randomize
