in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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