According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I will be naked everywhere
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
