and you said cock pushups were impossible
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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