the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
That's when you crack a 10am beer
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
