Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
