he thought i was a dude.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
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