So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
