god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Randomize
