You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
