Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
