My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
