Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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