Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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