Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
