Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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