I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
