are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
