Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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