Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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