This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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