Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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