Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
