Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Randomize
