I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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