Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Holy sore nipples Batman
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
