remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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