Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Randomize
