I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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