Only a mothe r could love this liver
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
