u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
