$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Randomize
