I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
