I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
