His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
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Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
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Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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