WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
