I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
