if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
