my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
