Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I'm just crazy horny about you
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
