By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
