my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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