So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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