It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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