Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
either way he was missing a nipple.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
