Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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