I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
