I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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