oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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