Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
