My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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