Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
