I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
