it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
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