she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
