Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
