I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
