I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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