Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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