My cat gives me a boner
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
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