He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
