community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
