Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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