She said her name was "party"
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
