awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
