i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
