Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
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