Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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