Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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