the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
