his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
