I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
