I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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