i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
