I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
