Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
false alarm, still single
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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